30th
Internet, we need to talk
You see, Internet, it’s like this. We’ve had a lot of fun. Some of the best times of my life have been with you. But I’ve been noticing some things lately. I can’t tell when you’re being serious anymore. I don’t think I ever could. Back then, it wasn’t a problem because I thought “Hey, we’re just having fun” and so I went along with it. But now that I’ve fallen for you, it makes it ever so difficult to laugh off your capricious nature. It’s not your fault - that’s how you are, and I love that about you. But I need to know where we stand and I can never tell if I’m getting a serious answer out of you. Another thing - since we’ve gotten to know one another, I’ve never been able to be so honest in my life. I want to tell you everything about me, even the stuff I’m ashamed about. But I feel like when I get very unabashedly personal, you ignore me. And I don’t think you know how much it hurts me that you ignore my attempts to share a personal part of me that no one else gets to see. I know you’re not completely ignoring me either. I KNOW you hear me. When I’m talking about ghost rape and angrily masturbating in sandwiches, you eat it up. But when I want to be straight with you, you turn your head. I feel like you could never take this as seriously as I have, and while I do love you and will always love you, our lives are moving in different directions. I’m looking for someone who will be with me for all of it, and not just the stuff that gets you wet. And speaking of getting you wet, I feel like I’m not enough for you anymore. I keep finding more and weirder sexually explicit images in your folders, things you know I’d never be a part of. I know no one can be everything to any one person, but it hurt me so much that you felt you had to hide it from me. I’m not going to say it’s definitely over. I’d love for you to show me you care and that you can change, but I know you well enough to say I don’t think you’re capable of change. I’m thinking maybe we should separate for a few weeks and see how we feel about it. Please know I love you, but this is for the best. —HH
